fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
