and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
