I could make wine with my vomit
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
