Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
