She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
