The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can't turn off my feet"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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