sarcasm needs its own font
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
