He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
