During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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