I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
