Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
