I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My life is pants optional.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
