dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i love accidental penises.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
