Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
