More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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