Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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