At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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