I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
