He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
