We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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