let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
