Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
