Your tits are I can't wait for
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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