I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
