Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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