I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
