im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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