They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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