the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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