I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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