I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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