I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
