I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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