There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
