Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
