If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
