My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
