I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
