He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
