The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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