This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
