just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
