Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
