if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
