Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
