I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
