Im at strip club and am horny
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
