You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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