I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
