when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
