yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
