Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
