I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
